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For quite some time it’s been on the cards.

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I need to round off Coco&Me and move on to pastures anew. 

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I hope you understand. 

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I always thought Coco&Me was gonna be going on forever but I’ve come to the decision that Coco&Me should remain essentially about my “baking/ market stall” era. It can not house the person that I am after the events in the past year and a half. It just doesn’t sit well.

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There is a poem by Jane Hirshfield that resonated with me. So I would like to share that with you: 

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Like Two Negative Numbers Multiplied by Rain

BY JANE HIRSHFIELD

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Lie down, you are horizontal. 

Stand up, you are not.

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I wanted my fate to be human.

Like a perfume 

that does not choose the direction it travels,

that cannot be straight or crooked, kept out or kept.

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Yes, No, Or

—a day, a life, slips through them,

taking off the third skin, 

taking off the fourth.

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And the logic of shoes becomes at last simple,

an animal question, scuffing.

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Old shoes, old roads—

the questions keep being new ones.

Like two negative numbers multiplied by rain 

into oranges and olives.

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Source: Poetry (September 2012)

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The beauty of poetry is that you can reflect your thinking to it and decipher it with own interpretation. And so I would like to use this poem as the means to describe my current thinking: 

– Is it a Yes, a No, or a Or. I’ve been toying with the idea for ages. And my decision was this. I don’t want to be housed within Coco&Me any longer, instead I want to be like a perfume which flows with free will. Because staying in the ‘old’ and ‘horizontal’ can no longer sustain and still be appropriate. And all I can think about is how to shed skin and move on to find new pasture. What I want is fruition (= happiness, contentment and re-finding myself) despite the tough time I had in the past year and a half. Because I came out of it as a slightly different but definitely a stronger person. – Just “like two negative numbers multiplied by rain (turns) into oranges and olives”. 

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Dear Coco&Me readers and supporters, it’s been an absolute pleasure to have you read my blog for so many years. The comments that you have left on here are my treasure and I will cherish it forever. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.

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So what is next?

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Well, I am totally excited to tell you that I have created a new blog to document my next chapter in life. 

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It is called ‘Basics Of Happy’ and you can find it at www.basicsofhappy.com

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I very much hope to see you over there! 

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OVER AND OUT! 

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With love, 

Tamami Haga

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Thursday 19th October, 2017

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“New beginning of something.”

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Haha, what a vague title that is, but this exact wording is how I feel right now.

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Because just today, I’ve F.I.N.A.L.L.Y finished with my cancer treatment. Yes ALL of it!!!

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I’ve been feeling emotional since I woke up today. As the last injection was done, the chemo nurses asked me what my plan was, to which I joked: “Get the hell out of here, & never come back again!” & we all laughed most delightfully & high-fived. Then I balled my eyes out as the nurses gave me bear hugs. 

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The bus home passed beautiful autumn trees near the London Zoo. The leaves of various hues were falling freely, enriching the ground. The autumn sun through the window was still warm to the skin, & it felt as though it was zinging away the trauma, & instead storing up as much goodness in to my body. 

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New beginning? Yes. We have officially turned over a new leaf to the next chapter!! – Of what? To what? That, I’m not sure. But no rush. I’ll get there. 

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