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“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”  ― C.G. Jung

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I believe that how well I react to the given situation would help me to overcome this and see me through to the healthier me again. To react well means acknowledging its existence & accepting it. It means dealing with it head on, working hard to become who I’d want to be.

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It’s not me to lament over what happened. I am not going to let the fearful emotions take control of me. I have always been the ‘glass is half full’, happy-go-lucky type & that’s who I shall remain to be.

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So in practical terms, what can I do right now? Here’s what I’m thinking at the moment:

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1. Eat a well balanced diet.

2. Check my body regularly.

3. Exercise regularly.

4. Breathe well.

5. Don’t dwell on the negative. Never play the victim.

6. Radiate positivity. Glow.

7. Stand tall, have grace.

8. Appreciate everyone with respect & love.

9. Be thankful for the second chance in life.

10. Proceed forward.

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For now I would like to share my thoughts with you on the first one:

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Eat a well balanced diet. 
Just like how I have my own beliefs that is tailored to just me, I have my own eating system. The current global health & wellness trend is absolutely amazing in that it’s become much easier to buy healthy foods so readily, but on the other-hand I can’t help but feel cautious of how commercialised it has become. Do you ever feel this? I feel slightly overwhelmed by all those heavily branded, need to be instagrammable, touting big health benefits, over hyped ‘products’. They are hitching a ride on the trendy bandwagon, I feel. I also think that I don’t want to be the sucker that laps it up, it’s commercialised health boom is just going to be costly for me!

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Don’t get me wrong, I’m in love with the clear trend in fighting food causes, being ethical, sustainable, nutrition-led & high moral. It serves in informing us, the public, on the impact of our food choices to our body & to our Earth, & be mindful to try to change it for the better – for us & for our future children.

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I just need to train my eye to wade through some of the more colourfully illustrated ones to find what makes sense to me…

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What I wonder is this: what is ‘real’ food? Real food to me is made from ingredients that are honest. It means simple. It means unrefined & unprocessed. It means authenticity. It doesn’t need to be prettily packaged or marketed heavily. = It means buying authentic raw ingredients to notch up a meal.

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I am still a learner at this (always will be in life!), but in trying to cook as much as possible from scratch at home, I enjoy controlling what is in my food. More than ever before, now that I have breast cancer, I recognise the need to cook healthy & nurturing foods for my self-preservation!

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Here’s some pics of what I’ve been eating lately!

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(Lunch: I made cauliflower soup. Sprinkled lots of rocket salad.)

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(Dinner: Azuki & pumpkin macrobiotic stew, steamed broccoli, daikon radish & carrot pickle, with brown rice.)

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(Making snacks: sun drying apple pieces on a very hot day.)

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(Dinner: Poached chicken breast with ginger & spring onion sauce.)

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(Went for pub lunch. Chose salad over the choice of fish & chips…, sigh…)

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(Snack: Steamed Japanese sweet potato.)

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(Breakfast: Green smoothie. Very filling…)

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(Dinner: Pan fried sea bream, white rice with arame, sautéed broccoli & egg. Together with nameko mushroom miso soup.)

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(Bento for S.)

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Looking for answers within.
You might or might not have realised that this Coco&Me blog is going to have to do a 180 degree turn. It is no more a cake blog, or a blog by a cake baker/ seller. I can no longer continue my refined sugary ways.
It’s taken a bit of soul searching to say these words – I am going to ditch the 10 years of my relentless cake obsession. I am going to renounce my ways.

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It is a no brainier decision, I’ve got to, if I want to live a long healthy life that keeps my breast cancer at bay!

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So yes, here it is folks, here’s the scenario from now on! This Coco&Me ship is changing course!

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Just imagine a typical scene that you might read in a book, set perhaps in an injured warship, it is terribly under threat, so much so that it’s almost been battled to a halt. In the control room, there is the panic stricken confused crew running left right & centre. And to top off their distress, there is the emergency alarm piercing the troubled air.

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Then…, the good guys – a brigade of ornately armoured commanders storm in. They authoritatively shout,
“This station and its crew are now under our command! We’re here to help you, lighten your load, drop the sugar cargo!” “Commence with our advance!”

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And then we enter the next chapter…
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So!
Yesterday my lovely hairdresser friend Ms.M cut my hair short for me! Thank you so much Ms.M!
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This is in preparation for the chemo. In the hope of keeping as much hair as possible I’ll be wearing a ‘cold-cap’ which cools the scalp during chemotherapy to reduce the amount of drugs reaching the hair follicles. I’ll be wearing it before during & after the treatment & apparently it’s better to have short hair for it. Also, if hair does fall out it’ll be less dramatic when it’s shorter hair…!
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Hairdresser Ms.M chopped off 40cm!
I decided to send the chopped off hair to a hair-donation charity called The Little Princess Trust. It’s a children’s cancer charity that supply real hair wigs to children suffering with cancer.
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Initially I was thinking of selling my hair but Ms.C’s comment on this blog about her teenage daughter donating her hair so willingly without wanting anything in return has inspired me to do the same. I also can not shake off a scene I saw of a little girl with bad hair loss innocently playing by the toys at the Great Ormond Street Hospital that I visited 2 weeks ago for my genetics test. Maybe my un-dyed Japanese hair can be of use to someone somewhere. Maybe in this way I can repay, even a little bit in a roundabout way towards the kindness given to me by so many people.
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Today is going to be a busy day.
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At 11 I will be getting my heart scanned. Apparently the treatments are quite harsh for the heart & so they want to see it beforehand I suppose. Then at 11.45 I’ll meet the oncologist. 1.30pm I’ll be admitted to the hospital to fit the portacath which was supposed to be done last Thursday but was prosponed because the anaesthetist was suddenly unavailable at the last minute! They say the surgery will be at 4pm. By around 7pm I should be fully awake & ready to be discharged. Mr.D will come collect me after his work & we’ll go home by cab…
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Next biggie date is going to be the chemo starting this Thursday…!

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So far this illness thing is believe it or not keeping me very busy! One would think that quitting work will bring about easy-going bliss
but oh no-no it’s appointments after appointments to keep up with! On top of the appointments – I’ve been super busy reading up on breast cancer. Knowledge is power right? The more I know the better. I feel less scared & I feel more in control of the situation, I’m never going to let it get on top of me! Graaah! :)
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T xx
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